Thesis

The title of this blog is "vertigo" because vertigo is my greatest weakness. At least, it's what I percieve to be my greatest weakness. I decided to base an entire blog off of Milan Kundera's quote because even though I am not typically on a plane or next to a steep cliff, it is a feeling that I experience frequently. This far of falling isn't just physical, it's the fear to fail--more than that, it's the desire to fail, to freefall.


This year I will move from California to New York City, abandoning familiar surroundings and the feelings that I found within those surroundings--feelings of family, of friendship, of love. All this because I decided when I was 12 years old that I wanted to be a journalist and then eventually got what I wanted. But is it still what I want? Do the benefits of going outweigh the complications of leaving?


I am not sure whether going to New York qualifies as a climb or a descent. Most of educated America, in particular my parents, will consider it a definitive climb. I am growing up, I am getting a masters degree at one of the world's finest universities.  "Who cares if you deserved the admission, Stephanie. You got in... "This is an opportunity." "This is a gift."


They're right, and yet, I want to jump-ship. I want to stay with my friends and family and boyfriend because they are a constant, a dependant; they don't produce le vertige. The gravity is pulling me down and fear of it is keeping me behind the guard rail. This blog is about jumping, falling and the desire to fail (whatever that means).