Spiderwebs

It's strange to consider the extent to which people effect your life and will never ever know it. This connectivity is present in literature, film, music, religions, everything. Reading Roman Gary's La Promesse de l'aube has really brought it to my attention lately. In it, Gary examines his relationship to his mother, to country and to people in general in order to gain a better understanding of what makes him "Roman Gary."


I thought I'd think about what composed "Stephanie Vatz," or at least the good parts of "Stephanie Vatz." Like the part that loves her friends or worked her ass off to get into Columbia School of Journalism, not the bad parts that are often full of pride, lack self-control and yet seek control of others. (Not that I'm bipolar or something, but, you know what I mean). I wanted to take time to compose a thank-you list that no one will probably ever see (not that they don't deserve to see it, it's just kind of awkward to thank people for things they did but didn't know they did. You know?) These are not to the most important people in my life like my parents or best friends or my boyfriend. These thank you's are to the people I used to know better, or the people I barely knew at all.

To Denise: Thanks for being a year older than me and to going away for college. And for being my best friend for a year and a half. You were such a great friend to hangout with, call on random days, have a million inside jokes with, boys to talk about, everything. Without you leaving, I might not have felt compelled to go to France which was the trip that made me realize a lot of my passions and potential. It's funny that you were one of the first people to congratulate me on Columbia. I'm at least partly going there because of you.

To Aaron Winter: Thanks for being the first teacher in college to believe in me. I'm positive you gave me the strength and confidence to maintain my ambition, even when things were going downhill academically.


To Galen: Thanks for living in Prado and inviting me to hangout with you that first night freshman year. I met one of my best friends in the world because of you.


To Lumbchops: Thanks for complimenting me, for believing in my skills, for being a massive proponent in what got me where I am journalistically. I know you hate me right now, but just know that I am sorry and that I thank you. A million times thank you. One day, I'll work up the guts to let you know that in person.


To Stanford-Ryan: Thanks for being so passionate about journalism. When I was going through a time of nonchalance and apathy as far as my profession, your insatiability for the field reminded me why I was passionate about it in the first place.


Traci Lee: Thanks for calling me out, for questioning me and for bringing me back down to earth. There aren't that many people in life that can humble you in that way and although it hurts like hell at the time, it's so necessary. I want you to know that I'm honestly more appreciative for that than I would be 1,000,000 compliments. I think that little by little, it's made me better as a journalist and as a human being.


And finally,


To my dad's family: Thanks to my Aunt Susie, my grandparents, my cousins. You made me dinners, bought me dinners, celebrated my small accomplishments and sympathized with me through whatever mini-dramas went on during my college years. You have always been my family by blood, but living near you really transformed all of you into my family in the emotional sense. Thanks for being louder than average, politically un-correct and impossibly eccentric. I wouldn't want my family to be any other way.

Lending a Hand to Japan

I write for a blog called SecondAct Magazine where I write stories on anything from features to food to philanthropy. Here is a post I wrote about the recent tsunami in Japan:

Billions of people watched as a 9.0-magnitude earthquake and its aftermath devastated Japan. The death toll mounts in what Prime Minister Naoto Kan describes as Japan's worst crisis since World War II.

Relief organizations have mobilized a global effort to assist the people of Japan and are requesting donations of money, rather than food and clothing, to preserve scarce resources such as transportation and warehouse space. If you would like to help, here are some key organizations spearheading humanitarian efforts:

American Red Cross

The Red Cross has mobilized 700 chapters around the world and has already given $10 million to Japan. The organization's giving page is here. Or you can text "REDCROSS" to 90999 to send a $10 donation.

GlobalGiving

Founded in 2003, GlobalGiving is an online marketplace that allows donors to select causes they wish to support. In Japan, the group is disbursing funds to organizations providing emergency services, including the International Medical Corps, Save the Children and Japanese organizations on scene. Donate here.

The United Nations Foundation

The foundation's emergency response fund is collecting donations here.

AmeriCares

Founded in 1982, the Connecticut-based nonprofit provides emergency disaster relief. Here is theJapan relief donations page.

The Salvation Army

To donate specifically to the Salvation Army's relief efforts in Japan, click here or text "JAPAN" or "QUAKE" to 80888 to send a $10 donation.

Habitat for Humanity

The Georgia-based nonprofit plans to help with cleanup and rebuilding efforts. Donate here.

Convoy of Hope

This international organization based in Montana is focusing on getting water, food and emergency supplies to Japan. You can donate online here or text "TSUNAMI" to 50555 to send a $10 donation.

Save the Children

The group is primarily concerned with the welfare of children during and after disasters. Donatehere.

National Disaster Search Dog Foundation

This organization works to find people buried alive in the wreckage of disasters, including Japan. You can donate here.

International Medical Corps

Founded in 1984, the corps is assisting with health-care needs during the disaster. Donate here or text "MED" to 80888 to send a $10 donation.

WorldVision

The organization provides emergency supplies such as clean water, food, medical supplies and shelter to survivors in Japan.

Unicef

Unicef focuses on the needs of children in disaster areas. Donate here.

More About Relief Efforts:

• Resources: Google has set up an online Crisis Response Center that helps locate people in Japan or track down other on-the-ground information.
• Do Your Homework: Many groups are collecting money in the wake of the disaster, but not all are reputable. Take the time to research organizations that ask for money by using sites such asCharity Navigator and GuideStar.
• On Texting: Texting was praised during the Haiti relief efforts as an expedient way to send money, but MSN Money notes that text donations for Japan may experience a slight delay because organizations typically will not receive the money until after donors pay their cell phone bills.

Mumford & Sons, "The Cave"

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

Thesis

The title of this blog is "vertigo" because vertigo is my greatest weakness. At least, it's what I percieve to be my greatest weakness. I decided to base an entire blog off of Milan Kundera's quote because even though I am not typically on a plane or next to a steep cliff, it is a feeling that I experience frequently. This far of falling isn't just physical, it's the fear to fail--more than that, it's the desire to fail, to freefall.


This year I will move from California to New York City, abandoning familiar surroundings and the feelings that I found within those surroundings--feelings of family, of friendship, of love. All this because I decided when I was 12 years old that I wanted to be a journalist and then eventually got what I wanted. But is it still what I want? Do the benefits of going outweigh the complications of leaving?


I am not sure whether going to New York qualifies as a climb or a descent. Most of educated America, in particular my parents, will consider it a definitive climb. I am growing up, I am getting a masters degree at one of the world's finest universities.  "Who cares if you deserved the admission, Stephanie. You got in... "This is an opportunity." "This is a gift."


They're right, and yet, I want to jump-ship. I want to stay with my friends and family and boyfriend because they are a constant, a dependant; they don't produce le vertige. The gravity is pulling me down and fear of it is keeping me behind the guard rail. This blog is about jumping, falling and the desire to fail (whatever that means).

Only Young and Naive Still

We lie beneath the stars at night
Our hands gripping each other tight.
-The Naked and Famous, "Young Blood".